Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
