dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
