That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
