I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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