Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
