this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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