everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
