Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
