every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
this will be a night to untag.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
