im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
