My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
