I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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