We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
