dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
