I'm jealous of your bromance
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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