The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
