Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
