6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize