there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
