after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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