Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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