if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
