"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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