i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
