after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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