I wish my penis had an off switch
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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