dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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