Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
