come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
