we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
