So drunk, too bad you don't want this
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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