someone threw a dead crab at me
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
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she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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