He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
