Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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