I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
