The maid of honor just puked.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
