so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
