I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
