the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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