last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
