Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
