can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
