Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
