this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
