i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
No stitches, just platelets and will power
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
