At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
