Your tits are I can't wait for
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
