even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
