We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
