Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
