my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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