No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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