oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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