1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
