but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
