very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
