Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
