i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
