The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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