Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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