Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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