he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
