Don't you send me to vm
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
