Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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