explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
