Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
