You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
