hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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