Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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