is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
