I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
