ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
